Lesson's Learned
by ilovetvalot
Summary: Post Ep "Hopeless" - In the aftermath of his fledgling relationship with a victim's sister, Morgan realizes he might have lost the one person that matters most. Morgan/Garcia. This will be five chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**Lessons Learned**

**Chapter One**

The sound of knocking was so faint that she thought, for just a moment, that she was dreaming. But then, she realized that she wasn't. To dream required one to sleep, and Penelope Garcia had not been able to even close her eyes that night, let alone drift off into the land of nod.

Although, really, now that she thought about it, Garcia was fairly certain that if any day deserved to be forgotten and wiped away by a deep slumber, it was today. Physically, she had survived worse, and was certain worse would follow. But emotionally, now that was another story. Outside of the day that she lost her parents, today was one of the worst, mind-numbing days of her life.

For today, Penelope Garcia realized that she might have lost her best friend. Or rather, he might have lost her. Watching Derek Morgan walk away from her, ignoring the heart-felt advice that she was sharing because she loved him, she knew that a part of her died then, never to be recovered.

Every moment of that short discussion was burned into her memory, indelibly marked on her brain, never to be forgotten. Mentally, she wanted to kick herself for even allowing her mind to make the connection in the first place. But she knew when she had put the pieces together, that she had to confront him. She had to give him the opportunity to see for himself, to step away from the situation and logically examine the evidence, then act accordingly.

Honestly, she had truly thought that he would do that very thing. Her shock had been plainly evident when he had chosen the alternative. She had forced down the pain that had flooded her soul at that moment, tamping the emotions that had threatened to overwhelm her as she heard him justify his actions.

As she had listened to him, seen the obvious anger in his eyes, she had suddenly realized that she honestly didn't know that man at all. The years that they had spent together, the thousands of hours that they had worked side-by-side, apparently didn't mean a thing to him. If they had, she told herself, then he would have taken her concerns to heart, at least weighing them before summarily dismissing them. Before summarily dismissing her.

Wincing as she remembered that moment when she realized that he was apparently rejecting her wisdom, and by default rejecting her, Penelope straightened her spine. She had once vowed that she would never allow another person to get that close to her, close enough to hurt her like this. And yet, here she was, in the same boat once again by a situation of her own making.

It was moments like this that made her wish, desperately, that she wished her parents were still living. Sometimes a girl just needed to curl up and let mommy and daddy take care of it all. Shaking her head at the thought, she reminded herself, sternly, that she was a big girl. And big girls took care of themselves, not needing anyone. She was her own woman, and as much as she might dislike it, she was capable of facing the future by herself. Without anyone else.

And most of all, without him.

She knew that she could never allow him to have that much control over her again. Her world had been turned upside down because of the choices she had made concerning Derek Morgan. But as much as she loved him, she could no longer allow her life to revolve around him. And even as she told herself this was for the best, she had to quell the horrid feeling of loss that invaded her soul.

Muting the cacophony of sound coming through her computer speakers, she perked her ears up, waiting to see if she heard the noise again. After about ten seconds of pure silence, she just shook her head and told herself that she was imagining things.

But then, suddenly, she heard the tapping again. And as the knocking rapidly changed to insistent pounding, she knew that it was a definite reality that someone was at her door. She also knew that particular pound…and who was delivering the punishment to her perfectly innocent door.

Rolling her eyes, she grabbed her fluffy lime green robe from the end of her bed and slipped it over her neon pink Hello Kitty pajamas. Glaring in the direction of the living room as she heard Derek Morgan's furious voice yelling, "Baby Girl! I know you're in there! Open up!" Penelope jabbed her feet into her well used bright yellow Sponge Bob slippers.

"Yeah," she muttered to herself, biting back the urge to scream it out, "Because, God forbid, you have to stand out there and wait and wonder if I'll forgive you." Crackers and Cheese! Why did she have to go and fall in love with a man that was so patently WRONG for her! Where in her psyche had she experienced such a mental break to think this would have ever worked?

Trudging toward the living room, Penelope violently batted the hanging beads aside that separated the living room from the hallway, taking a perverse joy in hearing them slap against the thick walls.

"Come on, Penelope! Let me in, damn it!" Derek called, his deep voice carrying easily through the door.

Drawing in a deep cleansing breath as her hand wrapped around the cool doorknob, Penelope jerked open the door, coming face to face with an obviously frustrated Derek Morgan. Affixing him with a steely glare, Garcia hissed, "Keep your voice down, you overgrown toddler! Mrs. Babarosa in 4D is eighty-three. You wake her up and the whole building is gonna know about it!"

"Sorry," Derek apologized sheepishly, glancing down the hallway, hoping none of her neighbors were about to make an unscheduled appearance. Turning back to face her, he added, almost plaintively, "I was afraid you were gonna leave me standing out here."

Staring at him, Garcia cocked her head as she comprehended his words. And wondered if that was exactly what she needed to do to save her own soul.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N – Hope you all enjoy this installment. Postings over the next several days will be erratic. Real life is taking a front seat for now. My major stories "In Sickness & In Health" and "In the Shadows" will be updated by Friday (I hope). Thanks for being patient. **_

**Lessons Learned**

**Chapter Two**

"I debated it," Garcia grumbled, widening the door and sweeping out a reluctant hand, accurately reading his intentions. "You coming in or what?"

Hurriedly sliding into her apartment, Morgan lifted eyes filled with remorse to stare at the woman who'd stuck by him through thick and thin. The one thing he knew for sure in a world filled with uncertainty was that Penelope Garcia was loyal to a fault. And he'd stepped all over that loyalty tonight. He had to make this right. The idea that he'd hurt the purest thing in his world weighed him down as nothing in his life ever had.

"Stop staring at me," Penelope ordered, shifting on her feet as she felt his eyes on her. Something about his gaze seemed to penetrate deeper than it ever had before. Squaring her shoulders, she reminded herself of her previous decisions, knowing that it was her only chance at regaining what life she might have left.

"Why are you here, Derek. You made it pretty clear earlier that my opinion on your life was neither wanted or needed. So, why are you here?" she asked with uncharacteristic sharpness in her voice, needing to place a verbal barrier between them.

Damn, she was angry, he thought with a wince. He'd known she was, her earlier cold-shoulder in the office still causing him to shudder. But this…this…fury was something he'd never expected to see from his touchstone. Then again, he knew that SHE'D never expected HIM to entirely disregard her opinion with a callousness that turned his stomach now. So, he supposed they were even.

"Garcia, you've gotta let me apologize," Morgan began lamely, uncertain how to go about making this right between them. Trying to keep his eyes on hers, he felt slightly off his game when she refused to meet his eyes. He had always been able to connect with this amazing woman, even without words. That was, until tonight.

"No, Morgan, you're wrong. I don't HAVE to do anything," Penelope retorted, crossing her arms over her ample bosom, subconsciously guarding her heart both physically and emotionally. If this contrary example of masculinity thought she was gonna make this easy for him, he was sadly mistaken.

It didn't take a profiler to read her spoken and unspoken words. Hanging his head, Derek squinched closed his eyes as he groaned, deeply, "Sweetness, cut me some slack here."

"No," Penelope said, her tone flat and void of its usual enthusiasm. Mentally patting herself on the back for staying true to her game plan, she emphatically ignored the tiny voice in her mind that was attempting to sway her. She was stronger than this, damn it.

That one single, unyielding word flew at him like a tsunami, unexpectedly slamming him with a lethal force. Lifting surprised eyes to hers, Derek gasped, "What?"

"I said no," she shot back, keeping her tone just as harsh as before. " I've cut you slack for years, Derek. Because you're fun. Because you're sexy. Because, usually, I know, at heart, your intentions are good. But tonight, I tried to warn you…to protect you from doing something that's ultimately going to nail your proverbial ass to the wall, and you skewered me for it. So, no, I won't cut you any slack," Penelope replied, devoid of emotion.

"Baby Girl, I said I was sorry," Morgan whispered, staring in shock at her stone face. And he wondered, not for the first time, how he was going to find a solution to this problem that he had obviously created.

"I have no doubt," Pen shrugged, turning slightly to stare aimlessly at the colorful wall. For a moment, looking at him was too painful, too soul-wrenching, and she couldn't allow herself to suffer that pain again. Refocusing, she added, tightly, "I'd be sorry, too, if I'd done to you what you did to me. But that doesn't mean I'm obligated to forgive you for it."

Feeling his jaw clench as her words sunk into his brain, Derek realized quickly that the opportunity to fix this horrible mess was rapidly slipping through his fingers. And under no circumstances could he allow that to happen. Easily moving around her to drop to her overstuffed couch, he shook his head at her words as he replied, "Well, you're gonna have to, Mama. Because I'm not leaving here until you and I are okay again."

Shrugging at his words, Penelope turned to close the door as she informed him, extremely politely, "Then you are going to have an exceptionally long wait. But, have no fear, I'll knock the dust off your decaying body every now and again."

"Penelope," Derek sighed, carefully watching the blonde woman's stilted movements as she walked past him. Grabbing her soft hand gently in his, he begged, almost pleaded, "Just stop and listen to me for a second. Please?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Lessons Learned**

**Chapter Three**

Looking down at her captured hand, Garcia frowned at the feel of his strong warmth. Damn this man and that amazing tone of his voice. It never failed to amaze her how just the simple timbre to his voice could pull at the taut strings of her heart. Deeping her frown, she reminded herself harshly that she couldn't let him sway her this time. He'd hurt her….he'd been deliberately cruel, intentionally piercing her. And, quite frankly, she was forced to watch enough cruelty in life without willingly subjecting herself to more, especially from people that she considered to be family. "You don't have anything to say that I want to hear, Morgan," she told him quietly, pulling her hand from his, refusing to acknowledge the sudden coolness in her fingers.

She'd pulled away from him. She'd actually rejected his touch, Morgan thought dejectedly, acutely missing the soft warmth of her skin. This was going to be a hell of a lot more difficult than he'd ever anticipated, requiring skills that he wasn't sure he possessed. But, no matter what, he had to try to fix this. And success was the only acceptable outcome in his world. He'd realized tonight that life without this bright, happy woman smiling at him everyday wouldn't be worth much to him at all. And he'd come way too near to doing something totally unforgivable, something totally and unbelievably stupid. And for what? To ease an ache…to fill a need….to take what a woman was offering just because he could. The sadder part still was that the woman he really wanted, the woman he had wanted for years, was standing right here in front of him, and she was understandably furious.

"Fifteen minutes, Penelope. Give me fifteen minutes to try to straighten this out between us, okay?" he asked, his voice pleading for just a small measure of her mercy, one iota of compassion from this goddess. "Come on, Sweetness, five years of friendship is worth fifteen minutes of your time, isn't it?"

She wanted to say no. She wanted to tell him to take his fake apologies and hit the road. But something in his bottomless dark eyes drew her in, sucking her back into his vortex.

Crap.

"Start talking and make it count, Derek," Garcia advised, forcing a hard edge into her normally bubbly voice as she tightened her grip on the chair in front of her, needing a grounding force.

Swallowing, Derek nodded, grateful for the small concession she had given him. Now, how was he to start? Making a split second decision, he decided a full confession would be best, knowing that nothing less than the whole truth would solve this current problem.

"I went to see her," he began, assessing her face, watching for the slightest change, hoping that he could have some gauge of her reaction.

Lips tightening, Penelope rolled her eyes at those simple words. Had she honestly expected any less. "Of course you did," she bit out sarcastically. "What else would you have done, you jackass? I hope she was good, for your sake," she railed, her breath catching painfully in her throat as her fingers unconsciously tightened on the belt of her robe. She'd known Derek had women, never naïve in her assumptions. She didn't live under the false delusion that he spent his nights pining for her. But the proven knowledge that he'd chosen to go to this woman…this weak, emotional VICTIM and…and…

"Garcia, listen to me. NOTHING happened," Derek said with quiet conviction, his words completely honest as he saw the flashes in her wide eyes.

"Really?" Penelope drawled, lifting a thin eyebrow as she forced herself to breath normally. She found that incredibly hard to believe, but she also knew her former friend had never lied to her before. He'd done things she didn't agree with. But he'd never lied about it.

"Really," Derek repeated, wanting to give her the assurance she needed. "I went to her apartment and told her that I couldn't see her anymore. After I walked out on you this afternoon, I realized that you were right," he softly confessed, cocking his head to the side. "About everything," he added, staring into her shocked eyes.

"You…you did?" Penelope whispered, caught off guard at his sudden admission. And with those simple words, she began to feel small cracks in the plating around her heart.

"Yeah, Mama, I did," Morgan insisted, nodding his head. "I recommended she see a grief therapist. I even gave her the name of your group. You were right…she wasn't interested in my for the right reasons. Any more than I was with her," he admitted, not wanting to keep anything from her for any reason, no matter how hard it was to say.

"At least you realized it before you did irreparable harm to both of you," Penelope replied grudgingly, not wanting to absolve him of his sins completely. At least not yet.

"Maybe for her," Derek agreed. "Me? Not so much," he continued, with a negative shake of his bald head. "I hurt you…and that thought, Sweetness, definitely causes me irreparable harm."

Softening marginally, ever so slightly, Penelope narrowed one eye as she asked, simply, "Why?"

"You know why, Baby Girl," Morgan replied softly, rubbing his face with an almost shaking hand as he sighed.

"No," Penelope argued, shaking her head. This time, she needed to hear the answers from his lips, needed to know that he honestly understood the entire situation. "After this afternoon, I'm not real sure about anything where you're concerned Derek Morgan. I'm not even sure I know who you are anymore."


	4. Chapter 4

**Lessons Learned**

**Chapter Four**

"Yes you do, Penelope," Derek retorted, wanting to reach out and gently shake this woman, wanting to make her see the truth he was trying to impart. "You know me better than anybody except maybe for my mom."

"I used to think so," Garcia shrugged, almost sadly. The hurt at those thoughts was almost palpable, a reminder of what they had once had. "But lately, you don't do anything but piss people off and make stupid decisions. That isn't the work of the man I thought I knew," Penelope continued, rejecting his supposition.

"That guy's still here, Angel. He just got buried for awhile. But I'm digging him back up. I swear it," Derek promised, gazing at her longingly as he bared his soul like he had never done before.

Oh, how she wanted to easily fall under his spell and accept those words at face value. But that option was no longer available, and she couldn't let them take the easy way out this time. "I don't understand you lately, Derek," Penelope replied sadly.

How could he explain to her what he hardly understood himself. These past few months had changed all of them. Each and every one had been affected by what had happened to Hotch. But honestly, he'd felt himself losing control since that bastard, Foyet, had gotten the jump on him months ago. Somehow, he couldn't help but wonder if he'd just been a little faster…a little stronger then, could he have changed all that had happened since.

Not to mention the fact that watching Penelope in that relationship with Kevin Lynch had done some serious screwing with his psyche, in ways that he couldn't even explain to himself. It was over now…but that's when he'd realized that she wasn't going to stand on the grape vine while he figured out what he wanted. Whether she'd meant to or not, she'd sent a blaring message to him.

Derek Morgan had realized, with a growing sense of panic that Penelope Garcia wouldn't wait forever.

Maybe he'd been unconsciously trying to punish her for it. He honestly didn't know anymore. What he was absolutely certain of was the fact that he couldn't lose her, not to another man and not to his own stupidity. And when he thought about how close he was to that very occurrence, his stomach rolled. He couldn't breathe. And he wanted to howl in pain. And that's when he'd known for sure.

He was in love with Penelope Garcia.

Frowning at those thoughts, Morgan gave Garcia a somber look and gave her an honest reply. "Maybe that's because I don't understand myself either lately. But, I'm finally beginning to accept a few truths that never seem to change."

"Morgan," she sighed, running a hand down her face as she sought to maintain her composure, "it's been a really long day and it's been an even longer night. I'm sorry, but I'm just not in much of a mood to hear about your little epiphanies tonight." Nailing him with a glare, she ordered bluntly, tightening her lips, "Either get to the point or get out of my apartment."

"And if that epiphany concerns you and me, Sweetness? What then?" Morgan asked sincerely, trying to read the expression in her eyes, looking for a sign, any sign, of something other than anger and bitterness.

How she had yearned to hear those words, once upon a time. Entire sections of her life had revolved around that very daydream. And yet, hearing them come out of his mouth now, she couldn't accept them. Turning away from him to stare at a colorful print hanging on her wall, she wistfully murmured, "I'd say you might be a little late, my old friend."

"You can't get too angry at me for that, Baby Girl…it wasn't until fairly recently that I would have had the opportunity." Barely resisting the urge to reach for her hand, he declared softly, "I had no business dumping this on you when you had someone else."

"Excuse me," Penelope informed him tartly, cocking her head, "but, if memory serves, you had legions of someone else's before I ever met Kevin and a fair few since then, as well. Don't use Kevin as your scapegoat now. He's not your handy excuse, Derek!"

"Maybe not," Derek conceded, wincing at the sharp tone that had invaded her words once again. "But those women were great shields against the pain watching you with him caused," he shrugged, needing her to at least partially understand his reasoning.

"And before Kevin? What's your excuse there?" Penelope asked sharply, feeling those shields starting to click back into place at the mere thought of him with other women.

"Those ladies provided just enough distraction to ignore what was really happening to me, Penelope," he said, ashamed and disgusted by himself and his actions. And that was magnified by the mere fact that he was having to tell her his sins. "I couldn't let my mouth say what my mind wanted."

"Well," Penelope huffed, dropping her hand to her hip, wondering if he honestly expected her to believe these trite words, "haven't you chosen a fine time to bare your soul, Derek? Your super-sized brain realizes, of course, that showing up on my doorstep in the middle of the freaking night after spending the evening with another woman isn't exactly conducive to wanting to discuss the potential pros and cons of a relationship of any kind with you, right?"

"You know," he said slowly, measuring his words with greater care than he gave any police briefing, "I only went to Tamara's to end something that never really even got started. I had to clean that slate before I could come here to you. I owed it to her and I owed it to you." Pausing, Morgan swallowed nervously, choosing his next words carefully. "I have a lot of regrets, Penelope. But nothing like what I felt tonight when I realized that I might have lost the most important person in my world."

And with those last words, she had no other option but to acknowledge that he was telling her the truth. "Silver tongued devil," Garcia grumbled softly, unhappy that his spiel was working.

"I mean it, Baby Girl," Derek replied quietly, trying to suppress his relieved grin at her scrunched, serious face.

Leveling him with her inquisitive eyes, Penelope cocked her head, needing just a few more assurances before she could let go of the past. "What exactly did you think you'd lost, Derek? Your "His Girl Friday", the Thelma to your Louise, the Bonnie to your Clyde…what?"

"I've never wanted you to be any of those things, Penelope. I just need you to be you. The same caring, incredible woman you've always been. But, more than that, I want you to be that woman all the time for me…I want you to be the only woman for me."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N - For those of you that enjoyed this, I'd be happy to do another M/G story with a plot prompt...**

**Lessons Learned**

**Chapter Five**

For several seconds, Penelope was silent, standing stock still in her living room, the only sound Derek's uneven breathing and the quiet hum of the refrigerator in the kitchen. "Why?" she finally said, realizing that was the only question left in her jumbled mind. "Why now, Derek?"

"Huh?" Derek grunted in confusion, narrowing his eyes at the thought.

"Why at," she asked, glancing at her smiley face clock on the wall, "three o'clock in the morning are you suddenly having life-changing revelations? And, why are you dragging me along for the ride?"

"Things changed tonight," Derek replied readily, the entire enormity of the change too much to explain in just one sentence.

"Nothing changed, Derek, other than the fact that you realized you were about to make a dumbass decision that anybody looking could see coming," Penelope retorted, her words not quite as harsh as before.

"You're wrong, Sweetness. I never expected any of this to happen…not like this. In the past eight hours, I've realized just what's important in my life…and what isn't."

"It's too freaking late for me to decipher cryptic speak, Derek," Penelope groaned, wanting to pound her head against the wall, or perhaps pound his.

"I'm not being cryptic, Baby Girl. And you understand exactly what I'm saying here," he said, focusing laser-like eyes on her flushed face.

Pursing her lips, Penelope finally replied, "I'd like to believe you. I really would. But I'm going to have a hard time accepting a Damascus Road conversation right now."

Pushing off the soft sofa, Morgan took a tentative step toward the fuming blonde before him. Reaching out a gentle hand to cup her warm cheek, he nudged her into looking at him. "That's just it, Penelope. For the first time in my life, I feel like I've seen the light. There aren't any shadows to hide in any more, Sweetness. And even if they're still around, I don't wanna stand in them. I'm not sure how any of our future's are gonna play out, but I wanna know that I gave my present the best shot I could. With you. Because the one thing I know for sure is that I want you in my future. And I sure as hell want to be the man standing beside you in yours."

Penelope allowed herself to briefly press her cheek against his warm hand before drawing back. Sighing, she carefully studied the dark man standing in front of her. "I need time, Derek," she whispered, the feel of his fingers against her skin almost too much to bear. "Believe it or not, I don't like sudden life-shattering decisions. And if you really want this…me…you know that I'm a big believer in the saying, "The proof is in the pudding,"," Garcia reminded him with a slight glare.

"I buy that, Princess," Morgan nodded, slightly more hopeful than he'd been thirty seconds ago. "I'll give you that proof. I'll do whatever it takes…whatever you want to prove to you that I'm serious about us." Eyeing her carefully, he whispered, "And I think I'll start with this." Leaning forward, Derek slowly captured Penelope's soft lips with his, gently but deliberately pulling her to him, molding their bodies together as his mouth slowly ate at hers.

She'd expected a peck on the forehead…maybe a kiss on the cheek. But not this…this meal he was making of her mouth. Shocked, Penelope was trying to remind her lungs how to function when he finally pulled away. "Derek," she breathed in amazement, staring up into his handsome face with glazed eyes.

"That was just a down payment on that proof that you're demanding. I told you once, Penelope, that I loved you. I meant it then and I mean it now. Only the depth of my feelings has changed, Sweetness. So, I'm gonna say it again, and maybe, this time, you'll realize I mean those words in the purest form there is. I love you, Penelope Garcia, and I hope you feel the same way."

Nodding slowly, Penelope slowly felt her anger start to slip away, floating on the ebbing tide. "I think I've always loved you, Handsome. My heart started melting the first time you called me your Baby Girl all those years ago."

Looping his arms around her waist, Derek smiled gratefully into her stunned eyes. "Forgetting your name might have been the best thing that ever happened to me then. It made me notice the wonderful woman you were. It taught me to learn from my mistakes, Penelope. I'm still learning my lessons, but I feel confident you're the one woman that can keep me hitting the books."

And in that moment, Penelope realized that she wanted that opportunity. Cupping his cheeks, Penelope promised with a wide grin, "I'll teach you everything you need to know, my Chocolate Adonis. Together. It's all a matter of remembering our lessons learned."

_**finis**_


End file.
